Beat the Cornhuskers
I was bored at work today. MizThang e-mailed a bunch of former MMB trumpets looking for some pre-game banter for today's Alamo Bowl. Here was my half serious/half joking contribution. Enjoy. Go Blue! :)
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I’ve got nothing better to do since the office is empty today, so I’ll give you my expert analysis of tonight’s game.
Michigan’s Offense vs. Nebraska’s Defense
Michigan has a slightly broken Hart. Nebraska has injuries abound among the vaunted “Blackshirts”, who will be missing three linebackers for the game. The battle of attrition should favor a healthier Michigan offense. Look for a gimpy Hart to rush for over 150 yards and two touchdowns. The rest of the Nebraska defense is still quite good, so they might be able to get a safety to help out the pathetic Cornhusker offense.
Edge – Michigan
Michigan’s Defense vs. Nebraska’s Offense
This is a classic match up of the resistible force against the moveable object. Michigan hasn’t been able to muster a defensive stop when needed this season, but Nebraska’s offense could take a couple pointers on how to run the football from my high school team. Yes, the mighty Nebraska Cornhuskers, once the model of how to rush the football among major college teams, cannot run the football. They beat a pathetic team from U-Pitt 7-6 at home earlier this year. They try to pass the ball with their pathetic West Coast offense, but they are learning that nothing good comes from the left coast. :)
Edge – Michigan – Even the TMMB flag football team could probably defend the offensive Nebraska offense fairly well.
Special Teams
Michigan has Stevie B. Enough said. We win. The end.
Edge - Michigan
Coaching
We have Lloyd Carr, superstar. They have Bill Callahan. Although he once inherited an NFL team that he coached to the super bowl, he has sucked ever since. He once called his players the stupidest football players in America. He took a Nebraska team that won 9+ games a year and had a bowl streak of 30+ consecutive years and ended the streak in only one season. Now, Nebraska is thrilled to be 7-4. How sad. Callahan recently made a throat slashing gesture towards the other team from the sidelines that was caught on television. Quite classless. Go Lloyd. Woo!
Edge – Michigan
Intangibles
Nebraska may have more fans in the stands tonight, but they won’t enjoy what they see. To make things worse, when they leave the stadium tonight, they will remember that they have spent the whole night rooting for corn. Their mascot is corn! What says “eat me” better than corn? Seriously.
This game is for Brian Griese, Charles Woodson, and the rest of the 1997 Wolverines that had to put up with the pathetic retirement gift the Coaches Poll gave to former Nebraska coach (and current Republican devil) Tom Osborne. This game is for the 1997 title. Go Blue!
I am going to watch the game at the home of a Nebraska grad that I work with. My friend FlyingV (also a Michigan alumnus) is joining me. Hopefully our Nebraska friend does not put her son to bed before the game because we are planning to teach little J.R. the words to The Victors. After all, that song will be played a lot tonight! :)
Final Score – Michigan 63, Nebraska 2
BEAT THE CORNHUSKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enjoy the game everyone!
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I’ve got nothing better to do since the office is empty today, so I’ll give you my expert analysis of tonight’s game.
Michigan’s Offense vs. Nebraska’s Defense
Michigan has a slightly broken Hart. Nebraska has injuries abound among the vaunted “Blackshirts”, who will be missing three linebackers for the game. The battle of attrition should favor a healthier Michigan offense. Look for a gimpy Hart to rush for over 150 yards and two touchdowns. The rest of the Nebraska defense is still quite good, so they might be able to get a safety to help out the pathetic Cornhusker offense.
Edge – Michigan
Michigan’s Defense vs. Nebraska’s Offense
This is a classic match up of the resistible force against the moveable object. Michigan hasn’t been able to muster a defensive stop when needed this season, but Nebraska’s offense could take a couple pointers on how to run the football from my high school team. Yes, the mighty Nebraska Cornhuskers, once the model of how to rush the football among major college teams, cannot run the football. They beat a pathetic team from U-Pitt 7-6 at home earlier this year. They try to pass the ball with their pathetic West Coast offense, but they are learning that nothing good comes from the left coast. :)
Edge – Michigan – Even the TMMB flag football team could probably defend the offensive Nebraska offense fairly well.
Special Teams
Michigan has Stevie B. Enough said. We win. The end.
Edge - Michigan
Coaching
We have Lloyd Carr, superstar. They have Bill Callahan. Although he once inherited an NFL team that he coached to the super bowl, he has sucked ever since. He once called his players the stupidest football players in America. He took a Nebraska team that won 9+ games a year and had a bowl streak of 30+ consecutive years and ended the streak in only one season. Now, Nebraska is thrilled to be 7-4. How sad. Callahan recently made a throat slashing gesture towards the other team from the sidelines that was caught on television. Quite classless. Go Lloyd. Woo!
Edge – Michigan
Intangibles
Nebraska may have more fans in the stands tonight, but they won’t enjoy what they see. To make things worse, when they leave the stadium tonight, they will remember that they have spent the whole night rooting for corn. Their mascot is corn! What says “eat me” better than corn? Seriously.
This game is for Brian Griese, Charles Woodson, and the rest of the 1997 Wolverines that had to put up with the pathetic retirement gift the Coaches Poll gave to former Nebraska coach (and current Republican devil) Tom Osborne. This game is for the 1997 title. Go Blue!
I am going to watch the game at the home of a Nebraska grad that I work with. My friend FlyingV (also a Michigan alumnus) is joining me. Hopefully our Nebraska friend does not put her son to bed before the game because we are planning to teach little J.R. the words to The Victors. After all, that song will be played a lot tonight! :)
Final Score – Michigan 63, Nebraska 2
BEAT THE CORNHUSKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enjoy the game everyone!
posted by GaryGinew at 5:30 PM
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