Half-Baked
I went to AutoZone after work today to get the parts I needed to fix my brakes since Redneck and I were going to repair my car after work. The people at that store are very good when it comes to helping you find the right parts you need for your car. The guy helping me search for the parts I needed (we'll call him JamaicanMahn) indicated that the front brake pads and rotors were not currently in stock. However, he was able to order them from a sister store so that I could go to the nearby AutoZone to pick up the parts in a few days.
As JamaicanMahn was taking down my information for the parts order, he asked me if my name was French. French? Does my last name sound French to you? I thought about saying that, but politely told him that my last name is Dutch. JamaicanMahn (originally from Jamaica, duh), asked me what The Netherlands was like. Having only been there once in my life (summer 1999), I couldn't tell him a whole lot. However, I did mention that the country was extremely liberal and that marijuana and prostitution were legal in Amsterdam. This apparently caught the attention of every employee in the store since JamaicaMahn thought this was the most amazing thing ever. He started explaining how pot smokers are treated back in his homeland. At this time, all four people in the store joined our conversation about legal pot and hookers in Amsterdam. At some point in this discussion, JamaicanMahn asked if I was a frequent “herb” smoker. When I told him that I wasn’t, he was surprised because I “look like a guy that smokes a lot of pot”. Huh? Me? Hello!! Not only am I one of the cleanest and most proper people you have probably met in your life, but I was also wearing a dress shirt and slacks since I had come straight from work. What about my appearance indicated that I was a frequent pot smoker? Seriously.
Around this time some girl came in to chat with a friend of hers who was working there (and part of our conversation), so JamaicanMahn went back to trying to find the parts I needed. When that girl left, JamaicanMahn indicated that he thought black American women were crazy, and then went into a detailed rant in support of his view. Note that the girl who just left was black and JamaicanMahn is also black. In fact, I was the only white guy in the store and was somewhat uncomfortable at this time. I definitely was not going to add anything to that comment. Another employee pointed out that the girl was clearly a lesbian. This surprised JamaicanMahn. He didn't understand how anyone could tell based on a three-minute conversation. The other two guys working in the store thought it was obvious. For the record, I could not tell either, but I was paying more attention to the parts I was trying to buy. The two guys who could tell that this girl was lesbian gave three reasons why it was obvious. First, she had a deeper voice. Second, she held the door open for a guy that came in after her. Third, she had a rainbow key chain. I thought the discussion regarding whether or not this girl was a lesbian was extremely random given that there was now a couple other customers in the store, though I once again decided to just listen (okay, so maybe I added a couple of my thoughts here, but only because they asked for my opinion).
Needless to say, this was perhaps the most random conversation I have had in a long time. I just came in to get parts to repair the brakes on my car, yet I was in the store for over half an hour. I was laughing hysterically the entire drive back to my apartment. Seriously, do I look like a pothead?
As JamaicanMahn was taking down my information for the parts order, he asked me if my name was French. French? Does my last name sound French to you? I thought about saying that, but politely told him that my last name is Dutch. JamaicanMahn (originally from Jamaica, duh), asked me what The Netherlands was like. Having only been there once in my life (summer 1999), I couldn't tell him a whole lot. However, I did mention that the country was extremely liberal and that marijuana and prostitution were legal in Amsterdam. This apparently caught the attention of every employee in the store since JamaicaMahn thought this was the most amazing thing ever. He started explaining how pot smokers are treated back in his homeland. At this time, all four people in the store joined our conversation about legal pot and hookers in Amsterdam. At some point in this discussion, JamaicanMahn asked if I was a frequent “herb” smoker. When I told him that I wasn’t, he was surprised because I “look like a guy that smokes a lot of pot”. Huh? Me? Hello!! Not only am I one of the cleanest and most proper people you have probably met in your life, but I was also wearing a dress shirt and slacks since I had come straight from work. What about my appearance indicated that I was a frequent pot smoker? Seriously.
Around this time some girl came in to chat with a friend of hers who was working there (and part of our conversation), so JamaicanMahn went back to trying to find the parts I needed. When that girl left, JamaicanMahn indicated that he thought black American women were crazy, and then went into a detailed rant in support of his view. Note that the girl who just left was black and JamaicanMahn is also black. In fact, I was the only white guy in the store and was somewhat uncomfortable at this time. I definitely was not going to add anything to that comment. Another employee pointed out that the girl was clearly a lesbian. This surprised JamaicanMahn. He didn't understand how anyone could tell based on a three-minute conversation. The other two guys working in the store thought it was obvious. For the record, I could not tell either, but I was paying more attention to the parts I was trying to buy. The two guys who could tell that this girl was lesbian gave three reasons why it was obvious. First, she had a deeper voice. Second, she held the door open for a guy that came in after her. Third, she had a rainbow key chain. I thought the discussion regarding whether or not this girl was a lesbian was extremely random given that there was now a couple other customers in the store, though I once again decided to just listen (okay, so maybe I added a couple of my thoughts here, but only because they asked for my opinion).
Needless to say, this was perhaps the most random conversation I have had in a long time. I just came in to get parts to repair the brakes on my car, yet I was in the store for over half an hour. I was laughing hysterically the entire drive back to my apartment. Seriously, do I look like a pothead?
posted by GaryGinew at 7:17 PM
2 Comments:
Oh. My. God. Too funny, Gary - you looking like a pothead??? Arriving straight from work? HA!! Too, too funny.
And if having a deeper voice and opening doors for guys makes you a lesbo, count me in. I don't have the deepest voice ever but it's definitely down there. Maybe that's why my roommate absolutely never, ever opens the door for anyone else (seriously, I've never seen it once) - so it's loud and clear that she's all about boys!
personally, I think you'd be more of a cokehead myself. maybe it's the suit, I don't know.
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