Family Fun Time
As promised, here is a recap of my trip to dysfunctional land. However, I’ll start with the positives first since it was generally an enjoyable weekend.
I saw my cousin from Israel that I had not seen in 12 years. Her English was not great, but it was significantly better than it was n 1994, so I was able to have my first conversation with her on this trip.
My grandfather is not moving around very well anymore. He is also losing his eyesight due to macular degeneration. However, he is still very sharp mentally. He still tells great stories after all these years and reads (fiction and non-fiction) frequently in his spare time. If I had to decide between losing my physical and mental abilities in old age, I'd rather lose my physical abilities. Therefore, I think he is doing great given his age.
I really enjoyed the quality time with my brother and his wife. We needed an escape on Saturday morning, so we went on a shopping spree. By shopping spree, I mean that my brother picked out a bunch of nice clothes and I tried them on and purchased them. My brother likes shopping with me since I buy all the stuff he picks out and he can’t afford much in the way of new clothes these days. We spent about $250 on several summer work and casual shirts and a nice new pair of pants. My brother really liked one of the shirts that I bought, so I bought one for him as well. It’s the least I could do for his awesome fashion advice. Anyone care to guess which store I splurged at? It shouldn’t be too difficult.
My brother and I have a fierce card rivalry. We frequently play Rummy 500 during past visits. My brother was slightly better than me until I crushed him 12 to 5 on our Mexico camping trip in 2004. I’ve owned him since then. I was well on my way to beating him again in our only game on this trip. Leading 445-290, the game was in the bag. However, my brother managed to get control of the deck in the last hand and put up a huge score en route to a 560-520 win. I was crushed, especially since all my uncles watched the last hand and saw my collapse. I’m sure that was the highlight of the trip for my brother. At least I got even by winning both games of ‘O Hell’ that the family played during the trip (including the 7 person game on my last night in AZ).
As part of the 90th birthday festivities, one of my uncles made a really nice calendar that had a bunch of great family pictures. There were various group pictures for each month and individual pictures to honor all our birthdays. Although the grandkids did not get a copy of the calendar (my uncle only made copies for his brothers and my grandfather), we all received a CD of the pictures used in the calendar. I have included some of the better pictures and a couple that I took during the weekend as part of this post.
This was only the second time since I was fifteen that my dad and all of his brothers were together (the other time was at my brother’s wedding two years ago). I never really got to see the family dynamics at my brother’s wedding two years ago since I was too busy with other stuff and I was too young to notice the bickering when I was fifteen. I probably wrote too much about this, but believe it or not, I held back. Anyway, the dysfunctional stories are probably more interesting than what I have written so far.
On Friday night, a group of us met for dinner. There were only about 8 of us since some people did not get in until late Friday night. When the oldest brother (#1) excused himself from the table after he finished eating, #3 loudly proclaimed “And #1 is leaving to smoke”. #3 then proceeded to point out how astonishing it is that someone from our family would smoke and how sad it was while #1 was away (even though #1’s wife was at the table). I thought this was extremely tacky and rude. #3 followed up his antics at the birthday dinner the next night during a back and forth with #4. During the slideshow of family pictures, there was a picture of #4 and his two sons. Even though my grandfather paid all our expenses for the trip, #4’s youngest son did not join the festivities this weekend. The youngest son is currently 19 and rumor has it he may have a drug problem. Both of #4’s sons have rebelled against their father and have a tense relationship with #4 because of his strict authoritarian ways. When the picture came up on the screen, #3 asked #4 what his youngest son was currently studying. #4 responded that his son was studying “indecision” (since his son was not attending college and may not have finished high school). #3 followed up and asked loudly, “where are you paying tuition for this indecision”, knowing damn well that the son was not currently in school. I thought that this was unnecessary in front of the rest of the family. However, this type of academic arrogance tends to be an unfortunate trait of my family. Alternative careers that do not involve a PhD are often shunned in the family and this pressure is probably what caused both of #4’s sons to rebel in the first place. #4's oldest son is pursuing his dream of becoming a writer on the next great comedy (movie or TV show), but he does not get much respect for this pursuit within the family. I am proud that he is sticking with his dream, even though his pursuits/accomplishments have brought little respect from the family and have created a very tense relationship with his father (who is a college professor). Hell, some people in the family probably secretly look down on me since I did not progress beyond a Bachelors Degree.
The other part of the trip that frustrated me was how the opinion of the grandkids was unimportant. We were referred to as the kids and relegated to the “kids table” at the dinner on Saturday. Seriously, we are all over 20 years old (and my brother is over 30). There is no need to isolate us or treat us like children anymore. On Sunday when the uncles were making plans for the day, the grandkids were enjoying the sizzling, hot day at the pool. The uncles decided that this was an unacceptable family activity and insisted on organizing a three-mile hike 40 miles away at Madera Canyon during middle of the afternoon on the 100-degree day. My brother way tried to voice his displeasure with the choice of activity. Here is the actual conversation between him and my father (#2):
Brother - “Do you want my opinion about this idea?”
Dad – “No.”
Brother – “Do you want Gary’s opinion about this idea?”
Dad – “No.”
Brother – “Do you want my wife’s opinion about this idea?”
Dad – “What does she think?”
Brother – “She thinks we should enjoy the afternoon by the pool and go on a hike later this evening when it cools off”
Dad – “We’re leaving in twenty minutes.”
Even as adults, my dad and his brothers still do not respect the opinions of their children. Grr…
However, despite some of these frustrations, the weekend was generally good. I’m not very close with my extended family given how spread out we are, but I do enjoy these get-togethers (in moderation). It’s also nice to get together for a positive celebration. I don’t expect to see the extended family much in the future except for weddings and funerals since the uncles are not very close, so this was a nice occasion to spend some time together.
And with that story, I leave you with pictures.
Then:
I saw my cousin from Israel that I had not seen in 12 years. Her English was not great, but it was significantly better than it was n 1994, so I was able to have my first conversation with her on this trip.
My grandfather is not moving around very well anymore. He is also losing his eyesight due to macular degeneration. However, he is still very sharp mentally. He still tells great stories after all these years and reads (fiction and non-fiction) frequently in his spare time. If I had to decide between losing my physical and mental abilities in old age, I'd rather lose my physical abilities. Therefore, I think he is doing great given his age.
I really enjoyed the quality time with my brother and his wife. We needed an escape on Saturday morning, so we went on a shopping spree. By shopping spree, I mean that my brother picked out a bunch of nice clothes and I tried them on and purchased them. My brother likes shopping with me since I buy all the stuff he picks out and he can’t afford much in the way of new clothes these days. We spent about $250 on several summer work and casual shirts and a nice new pair of pants. My brother really liked one of the shirts that I bought, so I bought one for him as well. It’s the least I could do for his awesome fashion advice. Anyone care to guess which store I splurged at? It shouldn’t be too difficult.
My brother and I have a fierce card rivalry. We frequently play Rummy 500 during past visits. My brother was slightly better than me until I crushed him 12 to 5 on our Mexico camping trip in 2004. I’ve owned him since then. I was well on my way to beating him again in our only game on this trip. Leading 445-290, the game was in the bag. However, my brother managed to get control of the deck in the last hand and put up a huge score en route to a 560-520 win. I was crushed, especially since all my uncles watched the last hand and saw my collapse. I’m sure that was the highlight of the trip for my brother. At least I got even by winning both games of ‘O Hell’ that the family played during the trip (including the 7 person game on my last night in AZ).
As part of the 90th birthday festivities, one of my uncles made a really nice calendar that had a bunch of great family pictures. There were various group pictures for each month and individual pictures to honor all our birthdays. Although the grandkids did not get a copy of the calendar (my uncle only made copies for his brothers and my grandfather), we all received a CD of the pictures used in the calendar. I have included some of the better pictures and a couple that I took during the weekend as part of this post.
This was only the second time since I was fifteen that my dad and all of his brothers were together (the other time was at my brother’s wedding two years ago). I never really got to see the family dynamics at my brother’s wedding two years ago since I was too busy with other stuff and I was too young to notice the bickering when I was fifteen. I probably wrote too much about this, but believe it or not, I held back. Anyway, the dysfunctional stories are probably more interesting than what I have written so far.
On Friday night, a group of us met for dinner. There were only about 8 of us since some people did not get in until late Friday night. When the oldest brother (#1) excused himself from the table after he finished eating, #3 loudly proclaimed “And #1 is leaving to smoke”. #3 then proceeded to point out how astonishing it is that someone from our family would smoke and how sad it was while #1 was away (even though #1’s wife was at the table). I thought this was extremely tacky and rude. #3 followed up his antics at the birthday dinner the next night during a back and forth with #4. During the slideshow of family pictures, there was a picture of #4 and his two sons. Even though my grandfather paid all our expenses for the trip, #4’s youngest son did not join the festivities this weekend. The youngest son is currently 19 and rumor has it he may have a drug problem. Both of #4’s sons have rebelled against their father and have a tense relationship with #4 because of his strict authoritarian ways. When the picture came up on the screen, #3 asked #4 what his youngest son was currently studying. #4 responded that his son was studying “indecision” (since his son was not attending college and may not have finished high school). #3 followed up and asked loudly, “where are you paying tuition for this indecision”, knowing damn well that the son was not currently in school. I thought that this was unnecessary in front of the rest of the family. However, this type of academic arrogance tends to be an unfortunate trait of my family. Alternative careers that do not involve a PhD are often shunned in the family and this pressure is probably what caused both of #4’s sons to rebel in the first place. #4's oldest son is pursuing his dream of becoming a writer on the next great comedy (movie or TV show), but he does not get much respect for this pursuit within the family. I am proud that he is sticking with his dream, even though his pursuits/accomplishments have brought little respect from the family and have created a very tense relationship with his father (who is a college professor). Hell, some people in the family probably secretly look down on me since I did not progress beyond a Bachelors Degree.
The other part of the trip that frustrated me was how the opinion of the grandkids was unimportant. We were referred to as the kids and relegated to the “kids table” at the dinner on Saturday. Seriously, we are all over 20 years old (and my brother is over 30). There is no need to isolate us or treat us like children anymore. On Sunday when the uncles were making plans for the day, the grandkids were enjoying the sizzling, hot day at the pool. The uncles decided that this was an unacceptable family activity and insisted on organizing a three-mile hike 40 miles away at Madera Canyon during middle of the afternoon on the 100-degree day. My brother way tried to voice his displeasure with the choice of activity. Here is the actual conversation between him and my father (#2):
Brother - “Do you want my opinion about this idea?”
Dad – “No.”
Brother – “Do you want Gary’s opinion about this idea?”
Dad – “No.”
Brother – “Do you want my wife’s opinion about this idea?”
Dad – “What does she think?”
Brother – “She thinks we should enjoy the afternoon by the pool and go on a hike later this evening when it cools off”
Dad – “We’re leaving in twenty minutes.”
Even as adults, my dad and his brothers still do not respect the opinions of their children. Grr…
However, despite some of these frustrations, the weekend was generally good. I’m not very close with my extended family given how spread out we are, but I do enjoy these get-togethers (in moderation). It’s also nice to get together for a positive celebration. I don’t expect to see the extended family much in the future except for weddings and funerals since the uncles are not very close, so this was a nice occasion to spend some time together.
And with that story, I leave you with pictures.
Then:
Now:
Then (sans #4's youngest, who was not born yet):
Now (sans #3's oldest and #4's youngest):
My brother with a future peer? I took a picture of a picture in my grandfather's apartment. This picture was taken several year ago when my brother was in the Peace Corps. With my brother going to work on Capitol Hill next year, maybe he will be the famous person in the picture several years from now. (Sorry, the pic did not turn out well)
An older picture for Maverick, who for some reason thinks that my brother got all the looks in the family. Boo urns, Maverick. Boo urns.
posted by GaryGinew at 8:59 PM
5 Comments:
I didn't say he got all the looks in the family! Maybe if you post more pics of him I could let you know what percentage he got. Yeah, post lots more pics! ;) Can you tell that I haven't seen my hubby in a month? Only one more month to go!
In the first pic, is your dad the one on the top righthand side? Looks like him (and you).
And while I'd like to keep my mental abilities as long as possible, don't you think it would be kind of scary to feel your body shutting down on you when you're still aware of what's happening? Just a thought on the physical vs mental decline in older years (no, I don't know which one I would pick).
Do you ever think to buy your bro some clothes while on your shopping ventures? He'd probably appreciate it (if he wasn't too proud to accept). I know I'd let my sis hook me up if she were a working girl and I were a grad student...oh, wait, I do accept clothes (even used!) from my sissy. :)
Roopdogg is correct (not that it was a hard question or anything). I got complimented on my new clothes at work yesterday by the king of fashion in reserves. No, I am not referring to FlyingV, as much as he would appreciate that compliment.
Maverick - no more pics for you. You've had enough fun at my expense for now.
Ju - You're correct. My dad is in the top right in the first pic. And I do like to buy something for my brother when we go shopping. This was our first shopping spree in nearly two years, so it's just been a while.
I just bought two peasant skirts at the banana outlet store here. $30 total. I LOVE THE BANANA OUTLET!
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